Wednesday, May 18, 2011

In the midst of Tragedy there is happiness!!

This has been a very bad month for me and Carter, on top of trying to get accustomed to a new baby we have had tragedy after tragedy. First Dino was killed, then Carter's best friend got into a car accident and is in a coma, then Macy's died in a car accident, now Agnes Monaghan is dead too. On top of all that Carter has lost 5 tenets and is struggling with his properties and refuse to let me help him. Mommy I don't know how many more bad things can happen to us before A break down. We went to Agnes' funeral last week, it broke my heart to see a young woman so talented and full of potential gone so soon. She was only 26 years old, she had never been married, had a child, or really even lived. Her parents were devastated, I can't believe she is really gone I feel like it was just yesterday that we were all in high school having the time of our lives. Its crazy she was living right in watershed heights the entire time and I had no clue. As long as me and Dino had that building it never one occurred to me that she was a resident. It just shows you that life is short, I miss you so much, I can't believe its been almost 13 years since the accident. Every time I look at Ameia I see so much of you in her. She even acts like you. I even from time to time see Alaina in her when she's mad. I know you and daddy would love her. But i'm pretty sure Alaina would hate her because she was no longer the center of attention and she took her big sister away. I enjoy writing to you, I am so glad the therapist suggested writing to help me cope with my grief I don't know how I would have gotten through it with out this. I love y'all so much and I know y'all are watching over us. Oh yea and me and Carter are getting married next month and we have started the process for Carter to adopt Ameia. I am so happy that in the midst of so much tragedy there is still some happiness.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Is the future worth my past?

So we came home from the hospital a few days ago and Dino's funeral was yesterday. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to take the baby to the funeral. I decided that she was to little to take out of the house so I left her at home with Carter's mother. Carter and I went to the funeral and the repast for a little while. All of Dino's family wanted to know who Carter was and where the baby was. I couldn't take anymore so we left, on the way home he had to top at the grocery store cause there was nothing to eat at the house. After we left the grocery store we had to stop in Watershed so that Carter could pick up rent, as we drove into the heights we saw a big crowd gathered near the diner and then I smelt it, my mouth started watering, I wanted it right then, I wanted an apple and strawberry pie. We parked,walked to get the rent then went to the diner for some pie. The line was crazy. As we stood in line I saw the magician Aaron Pernie, who was talking to this guy who was yelling and crying about only god know what but as we got closer to them I found out his name was Charles Stevens and his mother had died. I felt bad for him I don't know if it was because I am still hormonal or because I know how it feels to lose a parent but I started crying as well. As we finally got to the counter and got the pie I realized we had been gone for a very long time. So we went home.
This morning I got the best news of my life when the lawyers came to read the will. Dino left everything to me and the baby, apparently ha hadn't changed the will yet. This one of the first good things Dino has done for me, after giving me Ameia. I am still in shock that we have over $100 million dollars at our disposal. Today I find my self questioning was all the mess I put up with over the years worth this? Oh yea and I accepted Carters proposal this morning.... We're getting married

Monday, May 2, 2011

The surprise of a lifetime comes with choices...

Two days ago Carter and I went to Watershed Heights so that he could handle some business and before leaving we decided to stop and get some food. We went into Deena's diner to have lunch. I had a chicken burger and fries with water and Carter took a walk on the wild side and had a goat burger that looked anything but appetizing and fries with some sort of juice that was a mix between milk and cranberry juice. As we ate we looked over and Carter spotted her the infamous Bianca Bonelli the former playmate. She was sitting eating like a regular person in a run down diner what are the odds of that. Then it hit me I had a overwhelming feeling that something bad had happened. And then it happened I got the call, Dino had been shot and is in the ICU at County Hospital. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel, I had to see him. So we left and went to see what had happened to him.
I walked into the room and there he lay lifeless, still, barely alive. Then just as I was about to speak he coded. As I was crying I watched the team of doctors and nurses that cam in trying to save him, and then I heard the doctor say "call it" time of death 14:05. Then it hit me it had happened to me once again, but this time I had lost the father of my child. In that moment Carter was the perfect friend he just held me and comforted me. As I walked to the waiting room to tell his mother the news I felt the sharp pain and I felt the warm liquid run down my leg, my water had broke right there in the middle of the hallway. Eight hours of pain later there she was alive and healthy. Little Ameia Grace Datini was born at 10:05 pm and weighed 6 lbs and 6oz, and was 18 inches long. This little blessing sharing the birthday with the day that had taken the man that had help give her life. Instantly I fell in love with her, I wonder was it that easy for you to fall in love with me? I see you so much in me even Carter said that as we held her for the first time. Now as I sit here looking at her while writing to you, I see you so much in her, she has your eyes and nose. I miss you mommy I wanted to share this moment with you. But Carter has been here the whole time, helping and loving me and this morning he asked me to marry him and I haven't accepted yet. He says he wants to adopt Ameia and help me raise her. I love him but I don't know if i'm ready to open my heart again to someone. I don't know what to do.