Wednesday, May 18, 2011

In the midst of Tragedy there is happiness!!

This has been a very bad month for me and Carter, on top of trying to get accustomed to a new baby we have had tragedy after tragedy. First Dino was killed, then Carter's best friend got into a car accident and is in a coma, then Macy's died in a car accident, now Agnes Monaghan is dead too. On top of all that Carter has lost 5 tenets and is struggling with his properties and refuse to let me help him. Mommy I don't know how many more bad things can happen to us before A break down. We went to Agnes' funeral last week, it broke my heart to see a young woman so talented and full of potential gone so soon. She was only 26 years old, she had never been married, had a child, or really even lived. Her parents were devastated, I can't believe she is really gone I feel like it was just yesterday that we were all in high school having the time of our lives. Its crazy she was living right in watershed heights the entire time and I had no clue. As long as me and Dino had that building it never one occurred to me that she was a resident. It just shows you that life is short, I miss you so much, I can't believe its been almost 13 years since the accident. Every time I look at Ameia I see so much of you in her. She even acts like you. I even from time to time see Alaina in her when she's mad. I know you and daddy would love her. But i'm pretty sure Alaina would hate her because she was no longer the center of attention and she took her big sister away. I enjoy writing to you, I am so glad the therapist suggested writing to help me cope with my grief I don't know how I would have gotten through it with out this. I love y'all so much and I know y'all are watching over us. Oh yea and me and Carter are getting married next month and we have started the process for Carter to adopt Ameia. I am so happy that in the midst of so much tragedy there is still some happiness.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Is the future worth my past?

So we came home from the hospital a few days ago and Dino's funeral was yesterday. I had a hard time deciding whether or not to take the baby to the funeral. I decided that she was to little to take out of the house so I left her at home with Carter's mother. Carter and I went to the funeral and the repast for a little while. All of Dino's family wanted to know who Carter was and where the baby was. I couldn't take anymore so we left, on the way home he had to top at the grocery store cause there was nothing to eat at the house. After we left the grocery store we had to stop in Watershed so that Carter could pick up rent, as we drove into the heights we saw a big crowd gathered near the diner and then I smelt it, my mouth started watering, I wanted it right then, I wanted an apple and strawberry pie. We parked,walked to get the rent then went to the diner for some pie. The line was crazy. As we stood in line I saw the magician Aaron Pernie, who was talking to this guy who was yelling and crying about only god know what but as we got closer to them I found out his name was Charles Stevens and his mother had died. I felt bad for him I don't know if it was because I am still hormonal or because I know how it feels to lose a parent but I started crying as well. As we finally got to the counter and got the pie I realized we had been gone for a very long time. So we went home.
This morning I got the best news of my life when the lawyers came to read the will. Dino left everything to me and the baby, apparently ha hadn't changed the will yet. This one of the first good things Dino has done for me, after giving me Ameia. I am still in shock that we have over $100 million dollars at our disposal. Today I find my self questioning was all the mess I put up with over the years worth this? Oh yea and I accepted Carters proposal this morning.... We're getting married

Monday, May 2, 2011

The surprise of a lifetime comes with choices...

Two days ago Carter and I went to Watershed Heights so that he could handle some business and before leaving we decided to stop and get some food. We went into Deena's diner to have lunch. I had a chicken burger and fries with water and Carter took a walk on the wild side and had a goat burger that looked anything but appetizing and fries with some sort of juice that was a mix between milk and cranberry juice. As we ate we looked over and Carter spotted her the infamous Bianca Bonelli the former playmate. She was sitting eating like a regular person in a run down diner what are the odds of that. Then it hit me I had a overwhelming feeling that something bad had happened. And then it happened I got the call, Dino had been shot and is in the ICU at County Hospital. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't feel, I had to see him. So we left and went to see what had happened to him.
I walked into the room and there he lay lifeless, still, barely alive. Then just as I was about to speak he coded. As I was crying I watched the team of doctors and nurses that cam in trying to save him, and then I heard the doctor say "call it" time of death 14:05. Then it hit me it had happened to me once again, but this time I had lost the father of my child. In that moment Carter was the perfect friend he just held me and comforted me. As I walked to the waiting room to tell his mother the news I felt the sharp pain and I felt the warm liquid run down my leg, my water had broke right there in the middle of the hallway. Eight hours of pain later there she was alive and healthy. Little Ameia Grace Datini was born at 10:05 pm and weighed 6 lbs and 6oz, and was 18 inches long. This little blessing sharing the birthday with the day that had taken the man that had help give her life. Instantly I fell in love with her, I wonder was it that easy for you to fall in love with me? I see you so much in me even Carter said that as we held her for the first time. Now as I sit here looking at her while writing to you, I see you so much in her, she has your eyes and nose. I miss you mommy I wanted to share this moment with you. But Carter has been here the whole time, helping and loving me and this morning he asked me to marry him and I haven't accepted yet. He says he wants to adopt Ameia and help me raise her. I love him but I don't know if i'm ready to open my heart again to someone. I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

For my sake and hers...

Its been a while since I wrote I have been working hard to get ready for the baby and also starting my new life but I have so much to tell you. I think you would be so proud of me I finally left Dino. I couldn't take him and his drama any longer. After a couple of days at Mia's I went back home with a completely different attitude, I refused to take anymore. When I walked in the door the drama started immediately, Dino yelled about how he had no idea where I was and how he was worried about me and the baby. I walked right past him and went into our room. I took a shower and he stood outside the door yelling. I got out the shower and still ignored him, I think that pissed him off even more. He lost it, he started throwing things and breaking things and for the first time since I walked in the door I spoke and he didn't like what I had to say. But it felt so good because for the first time I didn't hold my tongue and I told Dino exactly how I felt. I told him how I felt about the cheating, the physical and verbal abuse, the lying, the drugs, the things his friends have done to me, I told him about how much hatred I had for him. After I said all I had to say I grabbed bag and packed enough for clothes for the week, than grabbed my shoes, phone and keys and walked out the house. I went to Carter's house and stayed with him for the week. I met his daughter, she is so adorable and we clicked really well. Its been 3 months now and I have had no communication with Dino. I am 3 1/2 weeks from my due date, mommy I am scared, I don't think i'm ready for this baby. I got an apartment, and Carter and I have picked up where we left off. Carter has been helping me get ready for the baby, he brought furniture for the apartment and helped me get everything for her. It's been great these last 3 months. But it all crashed down a little over a week ago when I went to the doctor. As I was leaving the doctors office I spotted Dino's Benz parked across the street. I walked to the car and got in, but before I could close the door he was the holding it open. I couldn't breath, I couldn't feel, I felt lifeless, and then I blacked out, I woke up in the hospital with Dino sitting next to me. I cried at what my life had become. How had I let a man control my life? I vowed that I would escape for my sake and the sake of my daughter. I waited till we got home and Dino left me with one of his dumber boys and then I sent him on a food run for me. When he walk out the door I turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door then packed up all my stuff and left. I left my life, my existence and started on something new. I called Carter and asked him to come get me and take me to his house. Today was my last day in my apartment, Carter and I found a new condo for me and the baby that was closer to him and he helped me move in and get settled. I think we are at the start of something big.

Friday, April 1, 2011

A New Life.... A New Me.... A New Friend...

Dino finally came home a week ago and I can't say that I was happy. He apologized for all the wrong he has done to me, with the lying and cheating and promised to make it up to me. We hugged and as he was hugging me he felt my stomach and he finally realized hat I wasn't just fat. He asked me how far along I was and when I told him 20 weeks he asked me why I didn't tell him. I freaking lost it, why should I have to tell him that I am having a baby, all the days I was sick and he didn't even take 3 seconds to see what was wrong with me or if I was okay. By the end of the conversation I was so pissed I couldn't even talk and all Dino could say was i'm sorry. I packed some clothes and took off. I went to my friend Mia's house and spent a few days with her. Dino called me me everyday all day the whole time I was gone. I was so proud of myself for standing up to Dino and not letting me run over me. On a better note a few days ago when Mia and I were out getting food I ran into Carter and we started talking again luckily he couldn't see that I was pregnant. Carter and I made planes to meet up today for lunch. We went out to lunch and it was great I miss this connection we had. God I wish that I would have stayed with him, now he has a wife and a 2 year old daughter. This has really made think about Dino and I and how I need to be happy my child has at least one parent that has a brain and that made me realize that there is no way I can be happy with Dino. After lunch Carter and I rode to Watershed heights so that he could pick up a check from one of his tenets that are renting one of his retail spaces. As we were walking to the space we passed a lady on the phone who seemed to be mad that the line was busy. I think she was trying to call the police. Then we saw it the robbery in progress. Carter and I went to the car so that we could get away from Watershed Heights. We went to Carters place and finished off the evening watching movies and talking. I was rather surprised that that is where we ended up, I was kind of confused because neither his wife or daughter were. When I asked about Madilyn, his daughter he explained that she lives with her mother and this wasn't his weekend with her. I think I almost shouted for joy. Then we started to talk about Dino, the baby and Dino's lack of enthusiasm about our daughter. Carter and I just watched movies, talked, and relaxed all night long, and I realized I had a new friend, and a good friend once again.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Whats next?

I haven't seen Dino in 2 weeks I guess he decided to give me my space after the whole bedroom incident. I have to say though this has been the most peaceful and most relaxing 2 weeks of my life. No drama, no stress, no nothing but peace and quiet other than his constant phone calls, which I refuse to answer, because I have nothing more to say to him. Its not that I am shocked that he was cheating I already knew that but its the fact that he was bold enough to cheat in our home but even worse in our bed. But on a brighter note I ran into some old friends from high school, Carter still looks fine as ever. I can't believe I left him for Dino... That was clearly a bad choice. I also saw Milo, Lilly, and Paul Neumen surprisingly, I never thought I would see him hanging with that crowd again. On top of that I had a doctors appointment today I am officially 20 weeks pregnant, healthy and having a BABY GIRL!! I am so excited!! At first the idea of becoming a mother was scary, but now I think i'm ready for this I only wish you, dad, and Alaina were here to enjoy this with me. I know y'all are in a better place, its been 12 years, but it still doesn't get any easier. Who knew at 14 a girl could lose her whole world. Maybe if y'all were here I wouldn't be with Dino because you and dad wouldn't have had that at all. Y'all didn't like him when he was 17 and y'all definitely wouldn't like him at 28. I have really been thinking about whats next for me in my life. I can't bring a child into a broken home. I got to do somethings for me and my child and the first is getting away from Dino.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Big problems to even bigger problems

I know its been a while since I have talked to you but my life has been real crazy with Dino and his drama. Let me see what have you missed... I have had to bail Dino out of jail a few times, had to fight with him about his mom coming to visit next month, found out Dino was cheating on me with a stripper from this place he frequents, and if all that isn't bad enough.... I found out i'm pregnant about a month ago, but of course Dino hasn't even noticed. Other than his stupid "You're getting kind of fat" comments I don't think he has the slightest clue, and i'm 18 weeks.How have I dealt with his stupid, inconsiderate ass all these years. But since he hasn't noticed yet I don't plan on telling him anytime soon, I want to see how long it takes him to pick up on it. At least he has been pretty even tempered lately. So I went to Watershed Heights earlier to see the renovations and that was pretty interesting. There was a carnival that was questionable. While I was there I thought I should check on pastor Dan since I haven't seen him in years but when I went to see him he wasn't home. As I was leaving I saw him talking to some guy near the carnival but the baby had me about to pee on myself and I refused to go back into Watershed heights to use the restroom so I zoomed home. Only to get there and find the surprise of Dino and his little whore in our bed. I freaking lost it. All I could do was cry. Although I hate Dino I still love him he is after all my child's father. So now he is standing outside the door begging me to come out. I can't because if I walk out of this bathroom now I might kill him and I refuse to have my baby in jail cause of his dumb ass. So for now i'm stuck in the bathroom, Hopefully he takes that whore and leaves. I can't keep doing this to myself.